One last night.

It’s just one of those late night reflections, you’d think... but college for me is going to be completely different once I return for spring. Yes, some of the same people will be here, but a lot of that “safe” feeling is going to disappear. Last year is completely different than this year, but the same basic people overwhelmed my life, so much so that I sent myself to a place so far away from them and so dark that it took this long to repair the damages I made. The damages are healed now, and becoming beautiful scars, but I will feel alone as ever upon returning in 2010. I can only thank those beautiful girls, Kayla and Beth, for opening up again and letting me in when I gave them so many reasons to push me away. I am so thankful for this semester. I have learned so much, and have grown a ton. I know I have so much farther to go, but I will miss their witness to my everyday growth and failure. I can only hope to grow deeper, but I can’t help but wonder if I will send myself into that dreaded anxious pit.
So, for now.. as I begin my Christmas break, I will thank God for changing my life again.
I will thank Him for yet another second chance and for fixing my heart every single day a little bit more. I will cherish the friendships that have been mended especially with my first roommate who I drug around the mud for months in my depression.
I can only hope to become a better person, and continue growing with them.
Although, I will miss them, I will look forward to the precious moments that wait for me tomorrow morning. Our last day together, living together. I will miss this feeling of safety.

I couldn't have asked for a better last evening with them. I can't wait for their visits next spring.