Summer is great.

My only complaint is how pale I am still, looks like I'll be buying tanness soon.

Work is good.

I enjoy what I do and I think I might finally be getting the hang of it.

Family is the same as always, nothing eventful.

My heart however is very uneasy as of late.

I somehow tend to give a lot of advice that I can never take for myself.

Why would I wait around for some huge sign from God when I'm not even seeking Him like I should? Why would I expect anything more from Him, when He's given me more than I could have ever earned or deserved.

Still, I wait for something to happen. I have the deepest yearning to be completely His, but find myself not taking the time to want to be His.

It's the weirdest thing. For the first time in my life I actually feel lost and a lost cause.

I know to Him I am a beautiful daughter of the most high, but I feel lower than dirt for who I could become if I don't "straighten up" or "get back on track".

Maybe I am following the world too much, or maybe I'm just ignoring God.

I really wish I wasn't being this honest with the entire world of blogspot, but all I have been willing to do is to step somewhat outside of Maywood and surround myself with Christian friends who encourage me to pray and seek God daily.

My will is lacking and my heart is aching in the smallest, but most terrible way.

I keep telling myself that I'll try harder tomorrow, I'll set aside more time, I'll actually take the time to spend quality time with the God who gave me too much and continues to forgive every mistake I make, even when I slip so far away.

I am disappointed in myself.

Last year at this time I was thriving, why do I feel so dead inside?

I am asking for prayer. I hate asking for it because it seems a little selfish, but this time I'm asking anyways. I need it. I need to begin to pray for my heart too. Please & Thank You.