Failure

Basically, all of the recent events in my life are leading towards one outcome. Most likely, that outcome is failure.

I've held on to the fear of disappointing anyone I love for far too long. I've accomplished enough. I'm sick of "accomplishing" things I don't like to take part in.

This semester I am finishing my associates in business administration. After I finish, I highly doubt I will remain in school until my bachelors for business. Business is easy for me, it's been a complete breeze, along with college. However, it is not what I love. I will not be going to work in a dress suit for the rest of my life. I do not look like the normal business student. It bores me. It's easy and it's boring.

I'm not exactly sure how next semester will look. I know that I'll continue to go to school, but I'm not exactly sure what that is going to entail. Most likely I'll be taking some music classes, along with photography, and possibly french. I know that these things make me happy. Doing what I love to do, what I'm decent at doing is what I believe God has called me to. Even though this switch will look like failure to many around me, I believe it is absolutely for the best.

God has given me a passion for few things. I have been ignoring those passions long enough and have given them myself excuses not to pursue them in any way.

My first passion is to look like Christ. This puts learning more about Him, and ministering to those around me as a solid, locked in first position. This is why I've become more invested in my local church and community.

My second passion is music, and I've given it more excuses than anything in my life. I believe that I'm decent, but I lack the skill to accomplish anything with it. Who said I ever had to accomplish anything with it? Who said it has to be used for anything other than ministry and enjoyment? Whoever put that thought in my head was so off. I love to sing, I love music. That should be enough to at least dabble in it. I sing on sundays at my church, and I love it. I love that I'm finally being handed new music to try, some of which actually challenge me. I just want more.

My third passion is traveling. I love to move around. I like new places to explore, new cities, new coffee shops, new anything. I like to go in the hole-in-a-wall places just to look. If it's nasty, oh well. If it's beautifully hidden, perfect! I like to take pictures of the places I've been and the things I've seen to remember where I've come from. I think whatever I've been blessed to see, others should be too. I've got a list from here to heaven of places I'd like to see. I also have an ear for language. I can learn it quickly, and I take interest in it quickly. I also loose it quickly, which is why I'd like to finally get around to taking a class and stapling some of it into my memory. French is a beautiful language, and even though it's rare, I believe it should still be known. It may be a dying language, but that just means it's still alive. There are people who speak french who have not been reached. That is means enough for me to dive in and learn it.

This is what's been spinning in my head since I returned from Europe earlier this summer. My brain is a cluttered mess of possibilities and opportunities.

I'm kind of expecting this to be a shock to those around me, but I'm hoping it's not.