I think it might be the most real Christmas I'll ever have.
I secretly love the holiday season (I guess it's not so secret anymore). When it comes to the traditional holiday spirit I may seem like a complete Scrooge. In reality, I'm just not so fond of the traditional Christmas. I don't really like the idea of giving gifts because you feel a sense of obligation. I would much rather receive something thoughtful on a random Tuesday in September. Christmas, for me, isn't about the presents at all. It's something much greater, and it's truth always seems to fall through the cracks.
Traveling is something I love, so you'd think that the opportunity for holiday parties all over the place would be something I cherish. Sadly, it's become absolutely something I hate during the season. When I travel I want to see and experience new things. I want to eat new, weird food, and go non stop. The holiday season seems to be all about sitting still in a room full of family. At first glance that seems great, but if that means driving five hours, or even thirty minutes, to sit in a house full of people that I don't have a relationship with the other 51 weeks of the year, count me out. I'm not saying I hate my family. I don't. I absolutely love them, and always want the absolute best for them. However, on a good holiday I'll find one or two things to talk to any of them about. I am very much the black sheep. I live a very different life, and I believe in very odd ways. I also really dislike debating and defending the things that I love. (No one appreciates constantly defending their personhood and beliefs). The only traditional Christmas that sounds appealing would be to have a whole Christmas Day to spend with my parents and siblings in the home I grew up in. Even as wonderful as that sounds, it's still not what Christmas is about.
Christmas isn't about us.
It's not about presents. It's not even about giving them.
It's not about the food or the general spirit of the holiday season.
It's not about who we do or don't spend it with.
It's about Christ's coming.
So this Christmas, when I'm alone in my little apartment in Texas, hundreds of miles away from my family, I plan to rest in the grace I'll never be able to earn and dwell on the eternal gift I'll never deserve.
1 comment:
As a momma to you, I have to say I agree totally with your post. The things I prayed for since you were a child that you'd GET it, God has answered. We may have done a poor job in "our own family traditions", but I know you GET IT!
So, with that said, WE will truly miss you, but it doesn't matter WHAT day we are together, it's the time spent that matters most. I am a bit sad that you won't be here Christmas day so we can spend another year like last year, just the 4 of us (oh plus Lucas, but it he isn't here this year) to carry on a new tradition. Instead, we will be spending it with the grandparents, but my heart is where you and Morgan are. So, Merry Christmas dear one. I love you.
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